When you go out for coffee do you ever sit and watch the people around you? I do, especially if I don’t have something to read.
It was during one of these occasions that a mother and daughter of about 7 years came to my notice. They were evidently having a mother and daughter day over the Christmas period. But to me they were demonstrating an interesting, and quite common, child behaviour issue.
They’d come to the cafe for afternoon tea and there was plenty to choose from. Cookies with Christmas icing, cakes with sprinkles – you can imagine. I watched the little girl as she looked into the display case filled with sugary treaties. I listened as the mother asked her what she wanted to eat. After a couple of changed choices she decided upon a cookie with a Christmas tree.
As her Mum went to order it, the little girl changed her mind. She told her Mum about her changed choice. As the girl sat on a chair the Mum asked what she wanted to drink. She was given about 5 choices to which she shook her head to all.
Eventually she told her Mum what she wanted. Upon receiving the treaties for herself and the girl, the Mum sat down. The girl was given her special afternoon tea, and she started to eat. I watched and I listened.
There was a lot of ‘darling’ type words used from Mum to daughter, and mostly grunts and nods from the girl back. I listened for some words of thanks from the little girl or a comment to show her appreciation but none came. She munched and slurped as Mum sat and stared.
The notion of ‘child worship’ came to mind. You know, where the child is placed in such a position of awe that their behaviour shows their god-like position. The Mum was so concerned about giving her little daughter the goodies she had forgotten to give her the best – some manners and gratitude.
I compared this to another family shopping for Christmas; two young girls with their Granny looking for a couple of special outfits for their little sister. So many beautiful clothes to choose from! Yet not one word asking for themselves. And when they were asked to choose a sun-hat to wear that sunny day, they carefully compared how each hat felt before they decided on the one they liked the best. And both little girls, without prompting, thanked their Granny for their gifts.
Someone else noticed their behaviour too and commented at the checkout counter what thoughtful, grateful behaviour they had displayed during the shopping spree.
So, which of the two categories would your children come under? And be honest. Or don’t you really 100% know because you haven’t listened to see if they use the words and behaviour of gratitude? Sometimes we are so busy trying to make sure our children feel loved and happy we forget we are also teaching them behaviour skills – good or bad.
Watch and listen to your children as an observer and decide if they are using behaviours of gratitude or acting ungrateful. Are you worshipping them with your behaviour or teaching them beneficial life skills? If you do notice absences of appreciation remember it’s never too late to start their ‘gratitude training’.
